watching Jersey Shore, regrettably. And I start thinking about how outgoing these people are. I mean, I think it is so cool that people can just be themselves around anybody and say whatever they feel. I am unable to do this. I used to not care and I used to be myself but now, I am too uncomfortable in my own skin, and it is sad. I feel like people judge every little move you make; dissect every sentence; study every flaw that you have. 

I recently met fiances group of friends. Everything was cool while we were there, we all got along fine, but I just felt awkward. I didn’t know any of them and they were all reminiscing. I just couldn’t relate to any of them on any level it seemed. Mind you, I was pregnant, and I just KNEW that these people didn’t like me. Owen, my fiance, kept assuring me that I was just jumping to conclusions. Well, a few months later Owen and I got into a huge fight and he went there for the weekend, only to find out that in fact, they did not like me. His best friends girlfriend, Ashley, told Owen that I wanted to be the center of attention, and this is why she did not like me. This could not be further from the truth! I hate attention, I hate being stared at, being loud, being talked to by people I don’t know. I had and still have no idea what logic is behind her opinion. I cried for too many hours over these people while I was pregnant, they made my life hell, and they didn’t even know they were doing it. It still upsets me sometimes because I have to have a relationship with them, and I feel like I can’t pretend to be okay with the things that they think about me. Their sons first birthday is in a couple weeks, and I am required to go to this party. As well as their wedding in November, in which Owen’s ex girlfriend is the Maid of Honor. Awkward-I know. Sometimes it gets to me because I don’t understand why they like her, but I’m not good enough for them. IDK. I guess I’m done complaining about my pathetic feelings for tonight.