I know you have been so miserable these past few years. You have been through so much more in your life than I could ever imagine. You have more wisdom and experience in your pinky toe than I will probably ever have in my lifetime. You are such a great person, hard working, loving, caring person.

You do have 1 weakness; alcohol. I wish that you would have been able to find the strength to give it up when my mom and I left you because of it. Or maybe after the third job you lost over it. Or even when you fell down the stairs and injured your brain because of it. I’m so sorry about so much. I’m so sorry that I harbored this animosity toward you for so long. I’m so sorry that I pushed you away, when deep down, I knew that I was the only thing in this world that brought you joy. I’m so sorry that I ignored your phone calls all of those times and I’m so sorry that I never returned them. I’m so sorry that I never built up the courage to tell you any of this before it was too late.

And now I’m not just sorry for you, but I’m also sorry for myself. I’m sorry that you will never get to meet your wonderful grandson, he looks just like you. I’m sorry that you won’t be able to walk me down the aisle when I marry Owen, which will be in the next year or two. I’m sorry that I have to live with the fact that I never called you back last week. 

I’m sorry that you had to leave this world alone, with no one by your side. I’m sorry that I didn’t do more to make your life more enjoyable. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life. And though I’m sure you have already forgiven me for this, I’m not sure that I will ever be able to forgive myself. 

I have so much more to say to you, but I will tell you when I see you again, and I know I will see you again. I know that you are up in Heaven helping Jesus and the angels prepare my place. I will never forget your goodness and all of the wonderful things that you taught me throughout the years. And though you weren’t always around when I was growing up, I did know that you loved me more than anything. I just really hope that even though I didn’t tell you I loved you, you knew I did as well. I really hope that you didn’t leave this world thinking that you weren’t loved.

I forgive you Dad, for everything that you have put me through. It’s okay. And I hope that you are having an incredible time in heaven, where you belong. <3

With all my heart, 

Rhiannon